funny

Cell Phone Profile w/ Charlize Theron, Emily Blunt, Chris Hemsworth & Jessica Chastain

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> James: WELCOME BACK. THIS EVENING, MY PRODUCERS TOOK
THE CELL PHONE OF ONE OF THESE POOR PEOPLE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHOSE CELL PHONE
IT IS BUT ONE BY ONE CLUES WILL BE GIVEN FROM THEIR PHONE LIKE A
SONG OR A TEXT AND I WILL GUESS THE OWNER OF THE CELL PHONE AND
ALL FOUR WILL DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP ME GUESSING. IT'S TIME TO PLAY CELL PHONE
PROFILE. IS THE FIRST CLUE IS A SONG THAT
WAS MOST RECENTLY PLAYED ON THIS PERSON'S PHONE. MAY WE SEE WHICH SONG IT IS,
PLEASE? OH, FIRE WORK BY KATY PERRY. THAT'S I — KATY PERRY FAN? >> MASSIVE.

>> James: YOU LIKE THIS SONG? >> I LIVE BY THAT SONG. >> James: HOW DOES IT GO? >> EYE OF THE TIRING ♪ ♪ BABE
I'M A FIREWORKS ♪ >> James: SO YOU ARE A BIG
FAN OF THIS CHASTAIN? >> IT WAS IN MADAGASCAR 3. >> James: YOU KNOW THIS SONG
IS ABOUT A TEENAGER WHO IS FEELING LEFT OUT AND ALONE. WHO HERE LAST NOT FIT IN AMONGST
THEIR PEERS? >> ME. >> James: YOU ARE A BIG KATY
PERRY FASTEN? WHEN DO YOU LISTEN TO FIRE WORK? >> WHEN I WORK OUT, MY DAUGHTER
AND I LISTEN TO IT ON THE WAY TO HER SCHOOL. WE KNOW ALL THE WORDS. >> James: YOU SAID ALL OF
THOSE SONGS AND ALL OF THE WORDS. >> ♪ NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH ♪
>> James: AND THE NEXT CLUE IS THE PHOTO TAKEN ON THE CELL
PHONE. MAY WE SEE THE PHOTO PLEASE? OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON
THERE? THAT'S THE WORST VERSION OF
SHREK, EVER! WHO WANTS THIS? WHO WANTS THIS? >> IT'S MINE.

>> James: WHY DID YOU TAKE
THIS PHOTO? >> I'M FROM AFRICA, AND THIS IS
A TRADITIONAL GREETING IN AFRICA THAT MY UNCLE WAS DOING, AND I
WANTED TO — >> James: WHAT IS YOUR
UNCLE'S NAME? >> GAJONG. >> James: YOU ARE THE WORST
LIAR IN THE WORD. EMILY WHY ARE YOU TAKING THIS
PHOTO? >> I TOOK MY DAUGHTER HAZEL TO A
REALLY CUTE FARM IN GLAND. SHE LOVES THE ANIMALS, THIS IS
THE GUY TRAINING THE DONKEY.

THE DONKEY COMES AND MOUNTS HIM
A FEW MINUTES LATER. IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE. >> James: WHY DID YOU TAKE
THIS PHOTO? >> WE WERE COMING BACK FROM THE
SURF, WE SAW A DONKEY IN THE FIELD. HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO
GET NAKED AND APPROACH THE DONKEY. >> James: WAS HIS NAME? >> ZOKKO THE BODY PRO. >> James: THAT'S HIM THERE
WITH A DONKEY? >> YES. WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS. >> James: I MEAN ALL GOOD
EXCEPT FOR CHARLZ. CHARLIZE. >> I'M AN OSCAR! IS. >> James: LOOK I'M NOT SAYING
YOU'RE NOT AMAZING AT MAKE A WOMAN WHO KILLS THOSE PEOPLE —
>> OKAY I'M VERY SENSITIVE. >> James: THE FINAL CLUE IS A
TEXT EITHER SENT FROM THE PHONE OR RECEIVED BY THE PHONE. GET OUT OF BED. YOU'RE GETTING FAT. CHASTAIN, GET OUT OF BED YOU'RE
GETTING FAT. TALK TO ME WHAT HAPPENS? >> I WAS TRAINING FOR HUNTSMAN
AND MY TRAIN ARE OBVIOUSLY CAN'T SPELL BECAUSE YOUR SHOULD BE YOU
APOSTROPHE R-E AND I WAS LATE.

>> James: WHO SENT YOU THIS
TEXT AND WHY? >> THIS IS THE KIND OF
INSENSITIVE AND CRUEL TESK I GET FROM JOHN-TEXT I GET FROM MY
HUSBAND. I REPLIED, I'M PREGNANT HONEY. >> James: WHY WOULD HE —
>> HE KNEW AND HE STILL SENT THAT. >> James: HEMSWORTH, I CAN
FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEONE WOULD SEND YOU THIS TEXT? >> A LIBERAL —
>> James: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO TO LOSE YOUR PHONE? >> IT WAS THE SAME GUY WITH THE
DONKEY. AND THIS IS DAY I DIDN'T WANT TO
TRAIN, HE'S MY TRAINER AND HE SAID GET OUT OF BED YOU ARE
GETTING FAT AND HE CAN'T SPEM AS YOU PUT IT SO —
>> James: ALL RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY, I'M GOING TO MAKE A GUESS
NOW AS TO WHOSE PHONE I THINK THIS IS.

>> THINK HARD! >> James: I AM, DON'T YOU
WORRY. I THINK THIS PHONE BELONGS TO —
>> RIGHT HERE, UH-HUH. >> James: JESSICA CHASTAIN. WILL THE OWNER OF THE CELL PHONE
PLEASE STEP FORWARD? >> BOOM! >> James: NO! NO WAY. IS IT REALLY? THAT'S RIDICULOUS, YOU'RE NOT
GETTING FAT OAR CRAZY,.

As found on YouTube

Cell Phone Profile w/ Chadwick Boseman, Sienna Miller & Stephan James

OKAY. I'VE GOT A FEELING YOU THREE ARE
GOING TO BE ALL VERY, VERY GOOD AT THIS. THE FIRST CLUE IS A FOOD ORDER. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AND SEE WHAT
THIS IS. LET'S HAVE A LOOK. OH, LOOK AT THAT, ST AN ORDER OF
OVER $100 OF INDIAN FOOD WITH A $2 TIP. STEPHAN, DO YOU LIKE INDIAN
FOOD. >> LOVE ME SOME INDIAN FOOD, I
DO. >> WHERE DID YOU ORDER THIS FOOD
FROM? >> IT WAS INDIAN RESTAURANT, OF
COURSE CALLED TAJ MAHAL, IT WAS CALLED TAJ MAHAL. >> James: WHERE IS THE TAJ
MAHAL, STEPHAN. >> JUST RIGHT DOWN IN KTOWN.

>> James: YEAH? >> YEAH. >> James: AND WHY, WHY SUCH A
LOUSY TIP SIENNA MILLER. >> BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND
TIPPING. >> James: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
TIPPING, THAT IS BULL [BLEEP]. >> YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING
ABOUT. IN ENGLAND, PEOPLE DON'T– . >> James: THAT ISN'T TRUE. >> IT MAY BE I ORDERED IT THEE
TIMES IN A DAY BECAUSE I'M ENGLISH AND I LOVE INDIAN FOOD,
SO MAYBE THAT CUMULATIVELY– . >> James: SIX DOLLARS WHICH IS
STILL LESS THAN 10% OF THE VALUE OF THE MEAL. >> MAYBE I HANDED CASH AT THE
DOOR. JUST SAYING. >> James: MAYBE THIS FOOD WAS
ORDERED BY CHADWICK BOSEMAN. >> WITH A $2 TIP? >> James: WHY DID YOU ONLY TIP
$2, CHADWICK. >> I WILL TELL YOU WHY. BECAUSE I HAD TO ORDER IT FOUR
TIMES FOR IT TO GET THERE. SO I– YOU KNOW, I'M PETTY, YOU
KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING.

>> James: IT WAS SLOPPY
SERVICE. >> I'M PETTY, YEAH. >> James: WHAT IS YOUR
FAVORITE DISH TO ORDER AT THIS INDIAN RESTAURANT. >> VISH VINDZALOO, USUALLY. >> James: USUALLY. >> BUT THAT DAY I DIDN'T DO IT,
ALL RIGHT. >> James: OKAY. >> IS THAT OKAY? >> James: HEY.

IT'S ALL FINE. THE SECOND CLUE IS AN APP THAT
EXISTS ON THIS PERSON'S PHONE, ST AN APP TO HELP YOU LEARN
FRENCH. WHO HERE IS LEARNING FRAN SAY? — FRANCAIS? ET VU. >> NO, I'M NOT. >> YOU'RE NOT LEARNING FRENCH SO
WHY IS THIS APP ON YOUR PHONE. >> I WAS IN A FRENCH RESTAURANT
AND THE– . >> James: YOU WERE TRYING TO
FIND OUT THE SMALLEST TIP YOU COULD GIVE WITHOUT THEM BEING
OFFENDED? >> NO, NO, THEY KEPT SAYING IT
TO ME. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE
SAYING SO I LOOKED IT UP. AND YOU KNOW,. >> James: THAT IS WHAT IT SA
WAS THERE FOR, I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO LEARN. >> James: ARE YOU ALWAYS
TRYING TO LEARN, SIENNA MILLER. >> OUI. >> James: AH, (SPEAKING FRENCH
(. >> WHY WHA? >> James: WHY IS THIS APP ON
YOUR FOIN? >> BECAUSE I AM NOT WORKING AT
THE MOMENT. AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD DO
SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE LIKE LEARN A LANGUAGE.

>> James: AND HOW IS IT GOING. >> IT'S GOING REALLY WELL. >> James: GIVE US SOME FRENCH. >> POR QUOI. >> James: BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE
YOU TO. >> OKAY. IS. >> James: YOU CAN'T SPEAK
FRENCH BECAUSE IT ISN'T THE APP BECAUSE IT ISN'T YOUR PHONE
BECAUSE IT'S YOURS, ISN'T IT. LET'S TELL THE TRUTH. >> THAT WOULD BE TRU. >> James: LET'S GET TO THE
PARTICLEEZ VOWS FRANCIS. >> I CONDITION HIDE THAT, THAT
IS MY PHONE AND THAT IS MY APP. >> James: WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT
APP. >> WELL, I'M CONDITION BE DA, OF
COURSE, YES, SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE CANDACES.

AND YOU KNOW, FRENCH IS OUR
SECOND LANGUAGE AND I FELT BAD BECAUSE HI BEEN IN AMERICA FOR
SO LONG, I WAS FORGETTING MY FRENCH. AND I HAD TO BRUSH UP ON IT SO I
GOT THIS APP. >> James: AND HOW IS THE
FRENCH GOING. >> WELL, I'M STILL IN NEWCOMER
COURSE ONE SO IT IS TAKING ME A MINUTE BUT EVENTUALLY I'LL GET
TO COURSE TWO. >> James: AND WHAT HAVE YOU
LEARNED ON COURSE ONE, LET'S HEAR A TASTE OF IT, SHALL WE
STEPHAN. >> BONJOUR, JEMAPPELLE STEPHAN. HOW WAS THAT? >> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S
BRING UP THE NEXT ONE. THE THIRDS CLUE IS A PHOTO. THIS IS A PHOTO OF HARVEY
KEITEL, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND ROBERT DE NIRO. WHOEVER THIS BELONGS TO, IT CAN
ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A HUMBLE BRAG. WHY IS THIS PHOTO ON YOUR PHONE,
CHADWICK.

>> I AM HERE — I WAS A NEW BUCK
SO I COULDN'T GET IN THIS PICTURE WITH THEM BUT ITS WITH A
GOOD NIGHT, YOU KNOW. >> James: WHERE ARE YOU THERE,
WHERE WERE YOU? >> I DON'T THINK THEY WANT ME TO
TELL YOU. >> James: YOU DON'T THINK THEY
WITH WANT– THEY DON'T THINK. >> WHO ORDERED THE SEAFOOD
PLATTER? >> DE NIRO DID. >> James: DE NIRO DID, YEAH? >> YEAH. >> James: AND WHAT DID DE NIRO
TALK ABOUT WHEN HES WITH THERE AT DINNER, WHAT WERE YOU
CHATTING ABOUT? >> HE TALKED ABOUT HIS ISLAND
THAT HE OWNS. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? >> James: I HAVE NOT, NO. I DON'T GET INVITED TO THESE
DINNERS. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. >> James: THESE AREN'T THE
SORT OF DINNERS I GET INVITED TO. BUT THEY ARE THE SORT OF
DINNERS THAT YOU GO TO. >> NO. >> James: ART AREN'T THEY,
SIENNA MILLER.

>> YES, THEY ARE. >> James: THIS IS YOUR PHONE. >> YEAH. >> James: YOU WERE THERE WITH
THESE THREE. >> YEAH. >> James: WHAT WAS HAPPENING? >> I GOT INVITED OUT FOR DINNER
WITH BOB AND HIS FRIENDS. >> James: BOB. >> YEAH. >> James: BOB. >> BOB, YEAH. >> James: BOB AND HIS BUDDIES. >> BB AND HIS MATES WHO HAPPENS
TO BE THE BOSS AND HARVEY KEITEL. AND IT WAS JUST YOUR AVERAGE
THURSDAY NIGHT IF LONDON. >> James: WERE YOU IN LONDON. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> James: AND WHAT IS YOUR
FAVORITE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG. >> MINE? >> James: YEAH. >> PROBABLY I'M ON FIRE, YEAH. >> James: YEAH? >> THAT'S HOW I ROLL. >> James: I TELL YOU WHO IS ON
FIRE, I WILL TELL YOU SOMEONE WHO IS ON FIRE, STEPHAN JAMES.

>> YES. >> James: WHERE WERE I, WHAT
WAS THE PHOTO DOING. WHAT WERE YOU DOING OUT WITH
THESE THREE LEGENDS. >> WELL, FUNNY STORY. SO THESE THREE LEGENDS ARE
ACTUALLY MY GOD PARENTS. AND, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
RIGHT. (APPLAUSE)
>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. >> GODFATHER HARVEY, GODFATHER
BRUCE AND GODFATHER BOBBY DE NIRO. >> James: YOU ARE TRYING TO
TELL ME THAT ROBERT DE NIRO IS ONE OF YOUR GODFATHERS, YEAH? >> YOU THINK I'M LYING. >> James: YOU THINK I'M A
CLOWN. >> YOU THINK I'M LYING.

>> James: YOU THINK I'M
TRYING TO AMUSE YOU. >> THIS IS FAMILY, COME ON. >> James: YOU WERE OUT WITH
YOUR GOD PARENTS. >> MY GOD PARENTS. >> James: AND WHAT WERE THEY
DOING, JUST CHECKING IN ON YOUR WELFARE, THAT IS WHAT THEY WERE
DOING. >> YEAH, I HAPPENED TO BE IN
LONDON AND I SAID HEY, GOD PARENTS, WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW,
WE– (LAUGHTER)
>> IT'S A GROUP CHAT.

>> James: YOU WERE ON A GROUP
CLAT WITH BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, HARVEY KEITEL AND ROBERT DE
NIRO. >> A GROUP CHAT. >> James: A GROUPS WHAT APP
CHAT AND THEY JUST ALL HAPPENED TO BE AVAILABLE AND ALL HAPPENED
TO BE IN LONDON SO THIS HAPPENED >> James: WHO PAID? >> BOBBY DE NIRO, OF COURSE. >> James: ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S REVIEW. LET'S RECAP WHAT WE HAVE LOOKED
AT HERE, THE FOOD ORDER WITH THE STINGY TIP. THE APP TO LEARN FRENCH AND A
PHOTO OF STEPHAN'S GORD PARENTS HARKEY KEITEL, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
AND ROBERT DE NIRO. TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO MAKE A
GUESS. (LAUGHTER)
CAN RULE THIS ONE OUT AS UTTERER BULL [BLEEP] CHEESIER PLAWS IT'S
TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A GUESS. AND MY GUESS IS THAT THIS PHONE
BELONGS TO– I THINK IT BELONGS AND MY GUESS IS THAT THIS PHONE
BELONGS TO– I THINK IT BELONGS TO SIENNA MILLER.

WILL THE OWNER OF THE CELL PHONE
PLEASE STEP FORWARD. YEAH! PLEASE THANK OUR INCREDIBLE
GUESTS, MORE WITH THESE THREE WHEN WE COME BACK. THAT WAS SO
FUNNY..

As found on YouTube