By popular request… … it's Street Fighter II, for mobile phones! Okay, only person requested this one… … and it was my good buddy Rage Quitter 87, and who am I to deny a pal's request? Have you seen his website? If you haven't, jeez, you're missing out. Either way, this little beauty NEEDS to be shown off. It's such a strange, unique little title. Well, that's one way of summarising Street Fighter II. But yeah, porting Street Fighter to a mobile phone. CAN IT WORK? I don't think I need to say there's a novelty to punching virtual dudes in the face. It's pretty timeless, innit? But how do you implement a six-button dude-punching engine… onto a mobile phone? I intend to find out! Also, I'm playing on Easy because I'm really shitty at fighting games. Don't make me dig out the photographic evidence. (ask RQ87, he's got plenty) But now things get interesting! The game has three different control schemes… 2-HAND TYPE: A direction pad of some sort handles movement, and the numpad does fisticuffs. 1-HAND TYPE: Direction pad does movement, and all non-special attacks are relegated to a single assumedly-context-sensitive key.
And last but not least… NUMBER TYPE: Every single friggin' command is spread across the number keys. The scary part is that, on some phones, that's probably your only possible option. Chew on that one for a while. I'm going with 2-Hand Type, because, believe it or not, it's actually quite pleasant to use! (on a desktop keyboard, anyway) I had wanted to use Chun-Li for this playthrough… … but this was before she got her Kikouken. Where's the fun in that? … so I'll be picking everyone's favourite scrublorb, Ryu. I do appreciate the simplified command list. I meant to check Zangief's, actually. How would you pull a 720 on dinky mobile arrow keys? But I've delayed enough. I should probably play the game now, shouldn't I? It's everyone's favourite world warriors! Everyone is here, albeit in choppily-animated and horribly shrunk form. Which is more than Street Fighter II on Game Boy offered, believe it or not. WHOOOOAAAAA Do excuse, it's rare you get opportunities to compare how identical those guys look! Your opponent is selected via this little roulette action thing.
You can hit the 5 key to stop, though it often just chooses another guy anyway. I don't think any other version of Street Fighter II has that feature! (I need to catch up on RQ87's playthroughs, so please correct me!) Well, this looks like Street Fighter, doesn't it? PAFUEKUTO! Sadly, the game never acknowledges your leet-ass skills. "You Win" is all it ever tells you. I worked hard for that Perfect, man! Actually, I totally didn't. The game is fully aware how iffy command inputs are going to be…
… so all special moves can also be activated by pressing the 9, 0 and * keys! For Ryu, 9 will fire a Hadouken… 0 will unleash a Shoryuken… And * will bust out a Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku. Easy as! Now, I'm sure a fighting game purist would argue that this defeats the whole point of special moves. It's all about mastering the character and their commands, knowing to pull off these tricks in the thick of battle…
… right? I'm really not up to scratch on the fighting game community. From what I've observed, all attempts to simplify commands have been a bit dodgy. Either they upset the hardcore players, or they're nerfed so badly you're missing half the moveset (like Marvel Vs. Capcom)… … or it's so damn convenient it breaks the game wide open. Like that infamous video of Guile in Street Fighter IV: 3DS Edition. But I'm not a fighting game player. I haven't got the dexterity, patience or expenses for it. But I dig seein' all them special moves! And to be frank, it's a whole heap of fun having all those moves at the push of a button. And it allows me to actually appreciate and play the game… … rather than constantly fretting, "how do I do a Dread Kick?" So, uh, you might have noticed the game's got a bit quiet. I'm not sure if it's an emulation glitch, or a quirk in the game… … but after your character's theme plays once, that's it. Nothin' but silence for the rest of the game.
Oh, and you only ever see your chosen character's stage. So we'll be fighting on Ryu's bridge for the next thirty minutes. Aren't you just shaking with excitement? Man, Ryu is the worst dude to play as, from a winquote perspective. Lines like that don't strike fear into your enemies, dude. Try "I WILL MEDITATE AND THEN FUCK YOU!!" Or "YOU DID QUITE WELL, BUT YOU NEED A BIGGER DICK TO DEFEAT ME!!"
I need to find out what ROM hack those came from again. It had the words of a sage. Drat. I was aiming for Blanka. All the opponents are pretty lacklustre in their fighting AI… But Blanka is an absolute beast to face off against. And not because he's green and hairy, hardy har har.
I'll get to him later. I should really stop walking into people's fists. Okay, let's time this. I struck the winning blow against E.Honda at 7:18. Let's see how long it takes until I can take control again. Because these long delays were perfect for nipping away for a glass of OJ… … or watching crap on the Wii. "THE ROAD TO BECOMING THE PERFECT FIGHTER INVOLVES FITTING THROUGH THE BATHROOM DOOR." I think I had a video playthrough of Dynamite Deka running on the Wii while I was playing this. It was very strange looking between that and this. One had a framerate, and the other felt I was going back in time. CONTROL REGAINED! Write this down, folks, it took 42 seconds to end one match and start the next one. That might not be too bad compared to other games, actually.
In fact, Street Fighter IV might have the same level of delay… … but at least it's got winquotes, announcer chatter and flashy displays to tide you over. This game just makes damn sure you don't touch the power button. Stop tempting me, man. The crappiest of victories! I would apologise for all the Hadouken spamming… … but screw you, man! I GOT SINGLE-BUTTON FIREBALLS!!! Let's face it, that was the primary anyone chose Mega Man in MvC1. Pity he made that childish squeal with every shot, though. "EYYYIE! EYYYIE!" Imagine if he made the same sound in the real Mega Man games! Actually, no, don't. That's terrifying. Y'know, I'm actually impressed this port can handle multi-hit combos. I just sort of expected the game to croak, or not do them at all, or something. Man, what kind of damage is that? Does Guile gain super armour during a Flash Kick or something? I want my money back on that Shoryuken. I expected serious clobbering. I guess I should mention there's no bonus stages in this game. I know, life just isn't worth living, is it? Thankfully, bonus stages were implemented two updates later in Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers for mobile phones.
But you can't play them without wading through several bouts in the arcade mode first! NOOOOOO That game does look better and runs smoother, as it's rebuilt from the ground up… … but it has some seriously stupid flaws, including a hilariously bad and un-configurable control scheme. But that's a rant for another time. I just realised I missed an opportunity early on for a "SO HOW ARE YOU KEN?" joke. I'm kicking myself! I really feel like I've accomplished something with these 3-hit combos. In a game as slow-paced and clunky as this, it feels rewarding to punch a dude twice before being shoved away. It's no flashy air combo, but it keeps me happy.
We're nearly there! Only six foes left! Yeah, Bison and his cronies managed to make it in.
Thank god for small mercies. LET'S PLAY SUPER MARIO BROTHERS I'M RYU HE'S ZANGIEF JUMP THAT FIREBALL HEY FAT BOY JUMP THAT FIREBALL JUMP IT– oh. Never mind, then. Man, the Hurricane Kick stinks half the time. Zangief knows how to counter my moves. Clever boy. FATAL KO AW SHIT NOT ON MY PERFECT RUN NOOOOOO Is this the end for our world warrior? Nah. You can continue as many times as you like. Your score is the only thing that's penalised. I think the users of Street Fighter II for mobile phones can rest assured that their highscores aren't under threat by me.
Oh, screw you. I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS It's so satisfying to actually be able to pull off these moves when I want to. It must be what a competent fighting game player feels like! Ah, the most glamourous of finishes. Backing into a corner and kicking furiously in mid-air. Truly you are the world's greatest warrior. So we've only Blanka left before we fight the four baddies, right? Hold onto your butts, folks. So, like I was saying, Blanka's a freakin' beast. He's ALWAYS approaching, only ever retreating to use his rolling attack. If you shoot a fireball, he'll hop over it, air-kick you, then punch, and knock you over with a crouch kick.
After firing a fireball, you've no chance of blocking any of that. And if you don't block it, it's a guaranteed dizzy… … so Blanka can just repeat it over and over until you die. But his regular punches and kicks have mad priority and range, so you can't even approach him safely! And for a spectacularly crummy player like myself, this is bad news. During my test run before recording, I'm sure I fought three or four matches against him, and all ended in failure. He's a tricky chap! But if you can break his defences, it's just a matter of exploiting them. The problem lies in how quickly you can fuck up and squander the rest of the round. Yeah, bare-basic Street Fighter knowledge, I know, but bear with me! These are my baby steps. BAM! Right in the olde smackeroo. A lousy finish, but at least he's toast. The game is a lot easier from here on out! … which you'd hardly believe, given we' only halfway through the video. If you've been watching the video non-stop until now, please, use this opportunity to cast your eyes at something else.
Find a nice glen and watch some birds or something. Anything to remind you what a realistic speed looks like! AW SHIT IT'S EVIL RYU LOOK AT THAT SNEAKY DUDE, HE'S UP TO NO GOOD HE'S GONNA TEACH SHOTOKAN TO FARMYARD ANIMALS OR SOMETHIN' MEAN Son of a bitch, that's MY trick! Well, that was anticlimatic. Ryu vs. Balrog! Surely this fight will require a new backdrop, right? Nope. Well, I think I've exhausted everything I can say about this game. … so why don't I talk about Street Fighter II: Champion Edition for mobile phones? Because, surprise surprise, it is the exact same game, except you can play as the boss characters.
I'll be uploading my playthrough of it, don't worry, but I probably won't do textual commentary for it. I mean, I'm already attempting to talk through ONE creaky mobile phone fighting game… How will I cope trying to do that for THREE MORE OF 'EM?? I can talk a load of shit, but for an hour and a half's worth of content, no chance. So, Champion Edition! I played it as Sagat, and I don't know if they did any adjustment to the bosses' damage ratios. Sagat just tears up the competition. I haven't played as the other bosses (or, heck, any of the other characters at all), so I can't compare.
It is literally the same game, with a different title screen. I wouldn't be surprised if this vanilla version already has all the assets, just locked away. Wouldn't the first time Capcom pulled a trick like that! Oh, there is one thing Champion Edition has that this doesn't… Endings. Yeah, there's no ending in this! (spoiler alert!) You beat Bison, you get your score tally, your fella does a little pose… … and you get booted to the title screen. Mind you, it could be because I lost to Zangief, or was playing on Easy… But, really, I'm in no mood to double-check. Champion Edition does have an ending for Sagat, at least… … though it's the same barebones one he had in the arcade, with the same picture used for all four bosses, just with different text. But it's better than nothing. At least you get something to show for that efforts: that Sagat's still miffed at Ryu. Oh, and when you fight the boss characters, the backdrop changes to Balrog's stage.
Playing as Sagat puts you on Guile's stage, for some reason. Well, I think I've said everything I possibly can for this game. I'll keep playing, obviously, but I'll begin wrapping up this commentary. What do I think of the game? … well, I like it, actually. Yes, the frame rate is insufferable, and the graphics are bad, and it doesn't play as well as it should… … but as a handheld Street Fighter experience, it's pleasantly accessible. It's cheap, sure, but the instant-special moves buttons are a real blessing. You can dive straight in and enjoy a close-enough Street Fighter experience, without having to spend an hour in the training mode working out how those blasted charge moves work. Mostly because this has no training mode.
Okay, most of my positivity comes from the novelty of single-button Hurricane Kicks….. but, darn it, that's something I've always wanted! For a casual scrub, it transforms the fighting game from baffling joystick-pusher to Mega Man-esque "use this move to counter this attack" exercise….. which is how you're meant to view the game, isn't it? In a nutshell? Not entirely, though, surely. Don't shoot me. Well, that's it for street Fighter II on mobile phone. I've still got Sagat and M.Bison to fight, but you can enjoy that without my inane banter, I hope. Later!.